


poetry by Kurt

by tigriswolf



Series: Alternate Universe [98]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Gen, Poetry, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2012-09-13
Packaged: 2017-11-14 04:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/pseuds/tigriswolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two poems I wrote last year, in Kurt's voice. *shrugs*  Takes place in an AU where Kurt never transferred and things kept getting worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. curtain call

**Author's Note:**

> Title: curtain call  
> Fandom: Glee  
> Disclaimer: not my characters  
> Warnings: suicidal thoughts—let’s say Kurt never transferred  
> Pairings: none  
> Rating: PG13  
> Wordcount: 390  
> Point of view: first  
> Notes: these are lyrics I wrote that Kurt might sing, should the situation ever get too dire

I thought about it again this morning  
Before even taking my head off the pillow  
I felt the bottle with my hand  
Sharp and cold  
Sharp and cold  
Like a blade  
Like what I want every day  
.  
Just for a moment  
A heartbeat and change  
I thought about it  
And then I pulled my hand away  
Maybe tomorrow will be better  
That’s what I thought this morning  
But my bruises have bruises  
And now I’m not so sure  
.  
How long canI be strong  
Before I’m just too beaten down?  
And no one seems to notice  
No one seems to care  
Just part of the scenery  
Life’s just that way  
.  
And I thought I thought  
I was so sure I could do it  
Be strong till my star dawns  
Keep my head up till I’m outta here  
Put this one-horse town in my rear-view  
And never look back  
Never once look back  
.  
But now there’s a bottle in my hand  
Sharp and cold  
Sharp and cold  
Like a blade  
Like what I want every day  
.  
And don’t tell me it’ll get better  
I already know that  
That’s what’s got me this far  
But tomorrow’s so far away  
And I’m drowning now  
I’m tired now  
I’m not that strong  
.  
A whole world is waiting somewhere far from here  
But the sky can’t be reached from a dumpster  
And my eyes are burning from the cold  
So don’t tell me you’re proud that I’m still standing  
When you never offered me a hand  
When you walk on by and look away  
When you don’t notice  
You don’t notice  
I’m bleeding more each day  
And I can barely be bothered to staunch the flow  
.  
I thought about it again this morning  
And at lunch  
And with my ears still ringing from the locker  
I don’t even want to sing anymore  
I’m just so tired  
And the bottle the bottle  
Sharp and cold  
Like a blade  
This is the day  
.  
Tomorrow’s so far away  
And I’m exhausted now  
I can’t fight anymore  
Too tired for the future  
I don’t have enough dreams left to last  
.  
And this is my swan song  
My final dive across the sky  
There’ll be no more curtains  
The show is closin’ down  
This is me goin’ goin’ gone  
If you hear me at all,  
Hear me sayin’ goodbye


	2. Kurt's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Kurt’s Song  
> Fandom: Glee  
> Disclaimer: not my characters  
> Warnings: suicidal thoughts—let’s say Kurt never transferred  
> Pairings: none  
> Rating: PG13  
> Wordcount: 440  
> Point of view: first  
> Notes: these are lyrics I wrote that Kurt might sing, should the situation ever get too dire

Well, here I am again  
Bet you didn’t think I’d do it  
Praying on my knees  
Blood is so red  
They say there’s always God in the trenches  
God in a hospital room  
But this isn’t a war  
And I’m not crying  
I’m not crying  
I’m dying  
Dying to say goodbye  
.  
I’ve thought about it before of course  
Haven’t we all?  
Considered the pros and cons  
Made a list, checked ‘em off  
Pills are easy  
Knives are sharp  
Blood is so so red  
Hanging would be messy  
And it’d be hard to drown myself  
I’m not crying  
I’m dying  
Dying to say goodbye  
.  
Can’t you hear me?  
I’ve said it all before  
I’ve screamed it and sung it  
And been ignored  
But I’m trying  
I’m trying so hard  
I had a breakthrough last night  
In-between the breakdowns  
It’s times like that I wish I prayed  
Wish I believed  
I’m not crying  
I’m dying  
Dying to say goodbye  
.  
I had a breakthrough  
In-between breakdowns  
On the far side of dawn  
Nothing I haven’t thought before  
Nothing I haven’t pondered  
When my skin is bruised and my heart sore  
Would you regret it?  
I’m starting to think I won’t  
Because I’m tired  
I’m not crying  
I’m dying  
Dying to say goodbye  
.  
I’ve held my head high  
I’ve never compromised  
I’ve been determined and I’ve been proud  
Determined to escape  
To stand strong and see the other side  
Things would never end here  
I had a plan and a dream  
But it won’t happen now and it won’t come true  
I’m not crying  
Not a tear on my face  
I’m not crying  
I’m dying  
Dying to say goodbye  
.  
Do you know my name?  
Will you call me,  
Wonder when I don’t pick up?  
This was never my plan  
But it seems like maybe  
It’s time for me to go  
I’m so tired  
I’ve made a list of pros and cons  
I’ve checked ‘em off  
And the pros are winning  
And this is my first prayer  
I’m not crying  
I’m not  
I’m sorry Dad  
You’re the one thing I regret  
I’m dying to say goodbye  
.  
Don’t tell me you never heard  
Don’t tell me this’ll be ignored  
My last request  
Fitting end to the life I lived  
I’m not crying  
I’m not crying  
This is my time  
My choice my chance  
My goodbye  
I’m dying to say goodbye  
.  
I’ve lived so loudly  
I’ll die quietly  
Not much fuss, one final song  
My last request is that you listen  
Listen like you never did before  
Don’t cry for me ‘cause I’m not crying  
I’m just dying  
Dying to say goodbye


End file.
